Friday, March 21, 2014

keep on truckin'

so, I have continued to go to work and am pleased to say things are bearable for me at the moment.  My boss asked if I was ready to do some training to give me more skills and therefore can work in different areas as need be and I agreed maybe it was time.

So off I went into the city to the training school.  It meant my kids had to stay over at their Grandparents for much of the week.  I didn't want to put them in before school day care by 6:30am every morning and then pick them up late in the day as well.  I am very lucky the grandies are so helpful in that respect. 

The training was overwhelming, so much information to take in and I put a lot of pressure on myself to get it right the first time.  I made the mistake of trying to keep up with the other student in the class, she was straight out of uni and could speed read while absorbing everything and finished everything way before I did.  By the third day, I'd had a little cry in the car before I got there.  My hubby was driving me in every morning which was great, I was a bundle of nerves and wouldn't have coped well on the train.  He kept reminding me that I was being too hard on myself and I am VERY hard on myself.  Wonder Woman I am not!

But I got through and went back to work the following day, they put me on the front counter to practice my new skills and it was great.  So much easier than in the classroom.  And it kept me away from the bully. 

Before I went to training school I started to wear a uniform shirt that one of the girls had given me to try for size.  I had been putting off ordering my uniform for 4 months and felt weird wearing it for the first time but then I realised I was sending the bully a message that I wasn't going anywhere.  That motivated me enough to put my order in and I should have that next week.

So the bully herself doesn't seem to have changed except that the focus isn't solely on me now.  She will not acknowledge me even if we are working side by side, she is aggressive and grumbly to everyone now and though that is not good, I can handle that much better.

The workplace is not the lovely place it once was but I have decided I am not giving in and am NOT giving up my lovely little job because of one person.

In other news, I am almost finished the first draft of my book.  I finally got to a point where I think it can end and then begin again in another volume.  There is a little more I have to add to it, stuff that brings the theme of it together better and more completely.  Then I guess I will run through it for touch ups and hopefully get some people to read it for feedback.  It's pretty exciting and daunting to be this much closer to showing my work to other people.  Only one friend has read any of it so far and she has been great at giving valuable feedback.  Will let you know how it all goes.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Situation update

Time for an update after my meeting with my managers.

I would like to say it went wonderfully and I walked out full of confidence that action would be taken to stop the bullying.  The thing is it didn't quite play out like that.

Maybe I was expecting more than what could actually be done? To be honest I didn't really know what could be done but I walked out with the feeling that the staffer was essentially going to get away with it.

There is more grey to the picture that I though was black and white and the person's behaviour is not so bad that they cross the line.  They remain on the pain in the arse category.

However the person was pulled aside and spoken to that day.  They had the cheek to ask to go home early that day because they were so upset.  The day was uncomfortable and I just put me head down and worked.

The next day, my plan was to do the same.  I had tasks to do that took me away from stuff we all do together and we had more than enough staff so I got on with it.  That didn't stop the person from making snippy comments all day. Some I think weren't meant for me to hear but I did.

I wrote it all down and told manager who advised me to keep a record and don't bite back.
Then on my last day of the working week I went in wearing a uniform shirt that another colleague had given me,  I have been slack in organising my uniform order and she hoped that the shirt might give me an idea of sizing and I would pull my finger out and do it.

I was glad I did wear it (even though it was a little big), once I got to work it made me feel a real part of the centre and like I was showing the bully that I have no intention of going anywhere.  Then my manager told me she had a training day set up for me to learn more of the front office stuff.  They want multi-skilled staff and after all the crap I've been dealing with I figure the change would be healthy for me.  I will still do what I do now but when the office needs me to, I can fill in for other staff members. 

Now that meant that my manager wanted me to get as much exposure to the front office computer as possible before then so I asked if she could let the people I work closely with know so there was no confusion as to why I'm not out there with them.  Guess that peeved the bully off no end, they huffed about.  Apparently they were angry at everyone and everyone was doing everything wrong.

So the focus was off me and that was a huge relief.  It doesn't solve the problem, now the aggression is being transferred to all the staff but I find myself coping a lot better.

I will just keeping doing what I'm doing, head down and work.  It's all I can do I guess.

Will let you know how things pan out from here.  Thanks for listening x o

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

D Day

ok so things have gone from bad to worse for me at work.  Last Wednesday my anxiety was at an all time high, I felt nauseous the whole time I was there and I couldn't think straight.  I looked for every task under the sun to get me away from my nasty colleague.

Thursday, I physically couldn't bring myself to go into work.  I made a doctor's appointment and rang my boss.  I felt horribly guilty as I knew I was leaving them short staffed.  My boss understood and we've organised to meet with the big boss today.  My doctor agreed this was the right thing to do, I'm only causing myself further damage by trying to work through it by myself.

So that's where I'm at, I'm trying hard not to work myself up into knots before I go and I'm failing miserably.  I didn't sleep well last night either.  I have the sinking feeling that there's going to be more stress before this improves.

Cross your fingers and toes for me.  I need all the good vibes and positivity I can get x o