Wednesday, November 5, 2014

dummy spit / rant

this morning I spat the dummy (Australian for pacifier US peeps), meaning I lost my sh!t completely with the fam.  Where it landed is where I firmly draw my line in the sand.

I love them all dearly but for the love of Frank, I have become their doormat.

Just this week, I ended my course of antidepressants.  Yay me!  I'll admit, I'm suffering from a bit of anxiety and irritability... maybe due to the withdrawal or maybe because I feel like while I was doing everyone a "favour" by taking them, remaining reasonably calm and going with the flow, I was also allowing them to walk all over me.

All for the sake of preserving the peace.

I just took a week holiday from work and spent it working hard around the house.  Weeding, cleaning and prepping for the kids' Halloween party.  Everything looked really good and the party was awesome.

My hubby did step in and help decorate and clean up.  I'll give him his due.

But in day to day life, I feel like I'm the only one pulling my weight around here.  OK so I don't have a full time paying job but with no one else helping out at home, I don't have ANY spare time to spend on me.  I want to write but carrying the full load of responsibility at home has sapped my motivation and energy.  I don't have TIME,  let alone the SPACE or PEACE to write.

I'm too busy picking up after kids and cooking dinners, my husband is a great cook and yet he doesn't ever do it.  My laundry load is never ending, there is never a time when there are no dirty dishes in the sink. AND we have a dishwasher FFS!  My 6 year old expects me to dress her if she whines long enough.  There are so many things they are all capable of doing but refuse to do because "good ole Mum will, all you have to do it leave it long enough".

Not any more.

I gave them all an ultimatum this morning; start doing the little things or I'll stop doing the big things.

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