In case you were wondering, I'm still about.
I survived Christmas and New Years, in fact they turned out to be rather lovely. I turned 40 last month and celebrated with a 1920s / Great Gatsby themed party.
It was rather overwhelming, not because I'm you know... eeep! 40! But because I got a real sense that so many people were there solely for me! I was amazed and humbled and I still ask myself did that actually happen? Am I really special enough?
My depression has settled a great deal, still have difficult moments but nothing as crippling as before. I asked my doctor what was the next step for me and he said maybe in 6 weeks or so we could look at reducing my dose. This made me really excited but also a tad scared, as much as I want to get off them I'm afraid of going backwards. I guess it's all a bit "wait and see" at the moment and I can do that.
I had dinner with a friend the other night who asked about what 2014 held in store for me. "Work, my book, another holiday to Bali," I replied, not really following her.
"No, I mean what about you," she said, "I talked to a lot of people at your party and you are surrounded by people who are depressed."
I guess I am, a lot of crappy things have or are happening to people close to me. Not a lot I can do about it except support them as best I can.
"You need to surround yourself with happiness," my friend insisted.
And I guess I do, I need to be kinder to myself and create happy moments for myself and my family. So if I were to make a New Years resolution, which is something I'm not really into, it would be that.
I'll report back later x o