Friday, June 13, 2014

Post holiday update

since I've returned home from holiday, things have been a bit off.

I caught a cough / cold thing off a guy who sat next to me on the flight home.  Poor guy, he was clearly unwell but I didn't appreciate having to breathe in his germs.

Anyway, I came home to children who had missed me as much as I had them but were intent on displaying just how much in a very different and confronting way.  I swear my youngest hung off my arm and demanded all of my attention for a good 2 weeks.  I was expecting it but that didn't make it any easier to deal with.

Then 2 days after arriving home, Hubby had to fly north for 12 days for work.  The kids were pissed to say the least.  Our eldest sobbed her little heart out and the youngest simply ignored him for a good week or so when he skyped us.

So all of this was happening while I was sick, it was a major downer. Really.  I took a few days off work, I just didn't have the energy to tackle it as well as how needy the kids were.  SO I chose my kids and stayed home, napping while they were at school and trying hard to "be there" for them when we were all together.

Thankfully, now Hubby is home and the kids have settled ( not completely, Little Miss 5 is still busting my chops but it's drastically improved).

Work has been tricky to get back into.  I just don't have the enthusiasm that I once felt for it.  The bully is still there and while personally I am left alone by her, she targets other people and the vibe in the centre isn't good.  And many staff are now questioning why, instead of dealing with the problem person, is management dealing with the problem by shifting staff around ( like me) and making adjustments so we can all tip toe around the bully.  Incidentally, I heard that the bully was complaining about being bullied!  I'm not sure by who, as far as I know everyone simply avoids her where possible.  I admit, I don't bother to greet her anymore unless I need to speak to her directly.  When I do, I'm polite and to the point... no niceties.

That's the sad thing, my work was once a really fun place to be and everyone got along.  Now everyone is on edge.  It sucks.

With all that, I've caught myself thinking about other career choices in random moments.  To be honest, I don't want to leave my job.  The hours work for me; I go to work, I come home, I get paid.  Simple in theory.  But now I feel like I'm having to create a protective shell around me in order to get through my day. Moral is low and the vibe is eroding away all my happys.

My depression has been up and down too.  Not severe but enough to feel not quite right.  Damn PMT is, as always, playing a huge part in this.  I've been left feeling foggy and at times confused (especially at work when it's really important that I'm not foggy or confused!).  It's like having baby brain but without the baby :(

One upside though is recently I was allowed to read and comment on a fab author's new novel before publishing.  It has been a real thrill to be involved in this small way and I'm extremely excited to see the finished product!  This is what has got me through "work wise".  And to be honest is what I'd much rather be doing but bills need paying so Hi Ho, Hi Ho, off to work I go.

My own writing has taken a bit of a back seat, I've not written anything new since my holiday. A lot of the picture has to develop in my head before I can get it down and it's slowly taking shape.  However, the lovely author (see above ;) has given me some tips and suggestions for my first part of the story and I am working on going through it again to polish it up.  Her advice has been invaluable and so very much appreciated.

And that's me for now.  Hope you're all well and doing what makes you happy. Take care x o  :)

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