Grief and Validation

I'm posting here because in real life, the people around me are sick of hearing it.

Much of the weekend was spent crying for me... the stress of selling, packing and looking for a new home is huge.  Something I knew wouldn't be easy but I hadn't expected it to be this tough either.

Last week we actually thought we'd found a place, it wasn't in the suburb I wanted but the house was good.  It ticked a lot of boxes for us and I even managed to convince my husband that it was a good place for us.  In truth I could see us living there, until...

We signed on the dotted line and I felt my heart just lurch.  My gut screamed that something wasn't right.  After a sleepless night and stress filled day the next day, I worked it out... the bottom line was I didn't want to move that much further away from where we are now.

So I hoped with everything I had the sellers wouldn't accept our offer... they did.  BUMMER, however...

They belatedly disclosed some details about the place to their agent that would have made a difference to our decision...  so we were allowed to rescind our offer.

I cried I was so relieved and yet, it put us back to square one.

We're still looking, there's not much out there that suits us at the moment.  We have to wait, we knew that but it isn't easy.

I have a sense of not belonging anywhere now, our little home is no longer home anymore and we have nowhere to look forward to moving to yet.  It will come, I know it will but right now I'm grieving the loss of our first home, it isn't much... it really isn't.  It's small and poky and badly needs a face-lift  but we spent 12 years here and it wasn't much but it was still our home.

The lack of feeling secure, not knowing what our next step will be is killing me.  I need that to keep my head above water.  Not coping makes life harder than it has to be.  It sucks big time.

Working out that I was, in fact, grieving has been a small step in the right direction.  I'm a talker about feelings,  however I've been talking and I'm not feeling heard.  I'm being told to be patient and the right house will come and I KNOW IT WILL FFS!!!! but being given the brush off and not validating my feelings is more upsetting than helpful.

So there, I've got it off my chest... that has helped somewhat.  Thanks xo

The search continues...